What happened On My Vacation

Dear Patients and Friends,

As it turns out, I had an ideal 4 days in Nu Yawwk. I only gained 23 pounds and I easily remembered how to yell inappropriately and unnecessarily. I had such a great time!

I controlled my diet by only eating from the four original food groups: pizza, pasta, pastrami and pastry. I have never felt more content and relaxed (read: bloated).

Every time I return from the East, I have to go to my seamstress and have the waist on all of my pants let out 2 inches. After I return, I lose the weight in about 2 weeks. I then go back to the same seamstress and have her tighten up the waist on all of my pants by 2 inches. I have repeated this cycle with her for 34 years in San Rafael.

The seamstress always smiles when I come into her shop. I wonder why. It's probably because I have made her rich.

The weather was really special. It was 90+ degrees and the humidity was 90%. I like the weather there because I don't have to shower.

I just step outside and in less than a minute I'm dripping from head to toe with water. It's a great way for me help the environment because I get to conserve water.

And the best part about being in the Big Apple is that I get to move slowly and not rush. Nu Yawwk is actually a restful place. In order to prevent myself from squeezing in too many activities in one day, all I had to do was get in my car and try to go somewhere.

The traffic is at a complete stop, 24/7 - everywhere. It's the only place I know where I can nap on the freeways. I just put the car in Park and fall asleep.

I can chill until I hear cars honking and people telling me to wake up with affectionate phrases like "Are you f*%ing kidding me? Wake the f*%ck up you f*%ing moron. If you value your life you'll step on that gas pedal NOW".

It's not easy returning home to Marin. It takes me a while to get used to the weird taste of wholesome natural foods. It's also not easy trying to speak to people here. I have to speak politely, slowly and calmly, which is such a waste of time.

Worst of all, the weather is mostly nice, which makes it hard to get angry about it. If I can't complain about the weather I become really anxious. I don't recognize myself and I think I'm having a nervous breakdown.

It's not easy suffering here in Marin, but I figure in another 34 years I'll probably get better at adapting to the west coast lifestyle. If I don't, I'll just yell inappropriately and unnecessarily. I always feel much less stress after a few minutes of soulful whining.

I hope you all had a great holiday like I did!

True,

Dr. Mark

Announcements

Monthly Yoga & Meditation Class

This month, I'll be teaching a monthly class that's designed to guide you deep into the core teachings of health and happiness from an Eastern perspective. Each session includes stress management techniques, discourse and dialogue, meditation, stretching, spiritual philosophy and kirtan.

If you really want to master your skills to maintain a flexible body and a calm mind, I recommend that you attend the class every month. I guarantee that when you apply the simple strategies I'll be teaching you, you'll enjoy a consistent vitality your whole life.

The next classis on Tuesday, July 17th.

Click here for flyer details and future dates.

Dr. Matt Coverage Dates this Summer - Dr. Matt will be here Friday, July 27th.